"Turing Point" #2

Story and art by Creativeguy.
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Doctor Robo
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"Turing Point" #2

Postby Doctor Robo » Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:58 pm

Hey Metrobay fans! Creativeguy is back this week with chapter 2 of "Turing Point", and you can read it right now ONLY in the members gallery of MetrobayComix.com!

When we last left our story, TU-18, an advanced medical robot, had come to the two realizations: He was a sentient being, and humanity required improvement for its own good. It has not taken him long to formulate and start to implement that plan. The Havensworth Hospital incorporated the the Mercker Sanitarium when it was constructed on the site, and parts of the Sanitarium, which had a less than savory reputation, had been sealed off and largely forgotten - except for one intrepid medical robot in need of a secret facility to execute his plan. TU-18 had wasted no time.

We also left Jasmine High, the co-owner of the Paroxsyn night club. She's a drug dealer and generally a amoral unethical kinda gal. Jasmine had just tested her new drug Dreamlust on the unsuspecting Anne Lenard. Anne had quickly succumbed to the drug's intended effects and was putty in Jasmine's hands.

What will Anne’s fate bel? What is TU-18’s plan? How are Jasmine High, Anne Lenard, and TU-18 tied together?


Link to members gallery: http://metrobaycomix.com/members/gal/in ... ng-Point-2

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lods
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Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby lods » Mon Jul 31, 2017 9:44 pm

I like where the story is going but there is just so much exposition (page 14 is kind of a good example of this). Maybe it is because the story is moving at somewhat of a quick rate (TU-18 went from scheming at the end of #1 to fully implementing in #2).

Anyway, looking forward to what is next (and what Valiant Woman and Honeydoll are doing).

creativeguy
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Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 12:59 pm

Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby creativeguy » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:16 am

lods wrote:I like where the story is going but there is just so much exposition (page 14 is kind of a good example of this). Maybe it is because the story is moving at somewhat of a quick rate (TU-18 went from scheming at the end of #1 to fully implementing in #2).

Anyway, looking forward to what is next (and what Valiant Woman and Honeydoll are doing).


I don't see it as to much exposition personally. Then my style for this series is somewhat different. I neither agree nor really disagree with your opinion on that, I will take it under consideration as I work on the follow ups though.

As for pace, I think its about right for a start of a series. Turing doesn't waste time and he had an opportunity and Anne was always slotted for that role... there really isn't a way IMHO to drag this out without doing something that would bore folks to tears at this juncture. I mean I could write a comic where a Jasmine walks in a room, comments about something or other with Anne in the room, drag that out for a lot, then leaves the room, and Anne. It really doesn't expand the story all that much and I have found in general bores people to death. So what I am trying to do is pace things in a way that keeps folks engaged, tells a story and explains for building to the other issues. The initial chapters may be a little faster paced as things get setup and move around... but really think IMHO the pace is fine. Things will slow down I imagine as the story line is more in front of you. Open to thoughts on it mind you but can't see where the pace is out of whack here :) And I do take things into consideration as I build things out (even if I don't completely agree I keep an open mind). So good stuff.

Just a word of warning, I am introducing other Metrobay characters like Valiant Woman and Honeydoll to indicate they will be involved (there are a few more heroines and villains to unveil) ... so in these regards pace will be slow as foundations need to be in play that weave them into the story line properly... and I may add... at the correct pace ;)

Sorry if my reply ended up being a long exposition ;) I do value your thoughts, opinions, and feelings ... I also enjoy the interaction with folks even if we don't agree I find it interesting to gain insights as long as folks keep things constructive, which you did, I appreciate it thanks again.

lods
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Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby lods » Tue Aug 01, 2017 6:41 pm

Yeah, no big deal. I was just explaining where the I had moments of confusion (essentially, had to take a lot of time looking back and figuring out which characters were doing what) and what I thought might have led to my confusion. Needing to explain a lot isn't exactly a bad problem to have since it kind of comes from having a bunch of characters that have room to develop. And I get not wanting to be too slow.

creativeguy
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Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 12:59 pm

Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby creativeguy » Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:05 pm

lods wrote:Yeah, no big deal. I was just explaining where the I had moments of confusion (essentially, had to take a lot of time looking back and figuring out which characters were doing what) and what I thought might have led to my confusion. Needing to explain a lot isn't exactly a bad problem to have since it kind of comes from having a bunch of characters that have room to develop. And I get not wanting to be too slow.


Hey feedback is good when it is constructive. Storytelling is an art not a science so I learn as I go with each series and this is the most complicated one I've attempted ... you see two threads that will be ongoing well + the superheroines being a third I guess... there is a lot more that will be occurring, new characters, old characters, stir, mix... so we'll see how this grand experiment works out ;) thanks again.

lods
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Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby lods » Wed Aug 02, 2017 5:30 pm

Yup. :) And don't worry about my comment about the heroines. I actually think the stories that flesh out non-heroines are great.

creativeguy
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Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 12:59 pm

Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby creativeguy » Wed Aug 02, 2017 9:04 pm

lods wrote:Yup. :) And don't worry about my comment about the heroines. I actually think the stories that flesh out non-heroines are great.


Very true. And Anne will have a lot of time in the story line and the next I believe and beyond. I like to evolve all my characters to a degree as much as is feasible... She is one of the civies that has more to her... a few others will as well.

jabbers
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Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2012 1:33 am

Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby jabbers » Thu Aug 03, 2017 11:09 pm

I tend to agree that the exposition and dialogue can be pretty dense at points. I suppose the story is still getting started but it seems like it will be sprawling. I like the way Honeydoll is rendered!

creativeguy
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Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 12:59 pm

Re: "Turing Point" #2

Postby creativeguy » Fri Aug 04, 2017 3:14 pm

jabbers wrote:I tend to agree that the exposition and dialogue can be pretty dense at points. I suppose the story is still getting started but it seems like it will be sprawling. I like the way Honeydoll is rendered!


I'll keep that in mind for #3. Some of it is establishing certain things and should work itself out I suspect. I don't see the story really sprawling. But I think that will be more clear in #3 as things start firming up with various threads and the like.

Honeydoll was fun, only thing I really done with her right now is improved her skin for Poser rendering, but she will be fun :) Thanks for the feedback :)


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